It has been awhile since I’ve scraped time together to write.
When I had the time I didn’t feel like it.
I couldn’t. I’m not usually one to spread my feelings all over social media and I was afraid I would go too far. Those of you who follow me on other platforms know I asked for prayer on one of them and for some of you that was a tell that something was really wrong.
It was. It is.
I’m not going to go into the details, because the story is not mine to tell.
What I will tell you is that I received news that was heartbreaking to me. It was news that was shocking, and surprising. I had no idea it was coming and no idea what to do with the news or how to handle it.
I literally screamed out to God for about 24 hours. My oldest daughter told me to put one foot in front of the other. I told her I couldn’t. She said, “Yes, you can. Just do it and don’t let Satan rob you of the joy you have built with Overshadowed.” (We were in the middle of camp when I found out.)
Somehow I opened the door to the car and started walking into the building. Somehow when I stepped into the building I stopped crying. I have no idea how…except God.
I somehow managed to make it through that day. (I might have hid in the balcony for part of it) At least I made it without making too much of a spectacle of myself. You see, this story really isn’t about me and I didn’t want to make it about me… and yet…the pain I felt was crushing. And in some strange way, it is my story. Now, before I confuse you too much, I’ll move on.
I haven’t lost my faith, but I felt dead inside. Maybe I still do a little. I told my husband, that I lost hope. I don’t know how to pray. I just call out to God, by calling on His name. I know that the Holy Spirit will make intercession for me without me having to say any words. My friends have prayed over me and I feel the prayers like Aarron holding Moses’ arms up in the wilderness. Thank you.
All of you. You will never know how much you mean to me.
How does one go on when they are having trouble hoping?
1) Have friends pray for you.
2) Don’t shut yourself off from friends. Make sure they know that you might not want to talk or explain things…or maybe you do…but their job is to distract you or comfort you or just be there.
3) Write BIble verses that contain hope so that everywhere you look you can see them.
Here are a few of mine that my friends sent me:
“For I have satiated the weary soul and I have replenished every sorrowful soul.”
“Let not your hearts be troubled. Ye believe in God, believe also in me.”
“They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.”
The Lord is Good. His mercy is everlasting and His truth endureth to all generations.”
For days people sent me BIble verses and I devoured them.
I NEEDED them in front of me.
Friends also sent me music. This is one of my new favorites.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtvQNzPHn-w
One more really special blessing from God.
On the day I found this news out I was at camp. I waited until I thought all the campers had gone until I reentered the building. (I was a crying mess) But, several of the campers were still there. Three of them literally threw their arms around me and started to pray for me. It gave me strength and a huge blessing that I will never forget.
Thank you, God, for your faithfulness. Thank you for showing your love to me through your people.
Thank you all for being patient with me as I pour all of this out for you, the reader, without any explanation of what has been going on in my life.
Perhaps one day, someone will need hope to cling too and the verses will be their lifeline.
Hopefully, I will now be back on a regular writing path and that next week I will be back to normal…at least I will try to act that way!
Thank you for praying for me!
Until next time…this is just me…talking to you…from the wings…
One last thought: Corrie Ten Boom said, “There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still.”